All about eating!

188.5. HA! Take that Sandi! you may be 22 years younger than me, but I am going to beat you!

We have a bet, extra motivation for us. Whoever loses the most weight by May 31st gets bragging rights. And when it is your kids, that is the best bet of all.  I was 194 the day we started, that would be 5.5 pounds! Gives me a little extra motivation to keep on track.

All about the food.  All about having my head on straight. I can't be feeling deprived if I don't eat the chips or whatever. I need to know it was my choice and I am happy about it. My choice for my health. My choice for my life. If I am dieting and avoiding that stuff, it is a punishment and I will FAIL!!!  If it is a decision that I am happy about, I will succeed, even if I falter at times. And that is exactly what is happening.

I am NOT dieting. I am eating healthy. I am not restricting how much I eat. That is a big deal to me. I need to not feel restricted. I can eat all I want of what I want. I just need to want the right stuff. I am not hungry.

I feel like I have found the greatest secret of all times! I know I have heard it many times before, it just never sank in.

The other part of this is I really needed to find what would work for me with my lifestyle and schedule.

Normally for lunch I try to take about a 3 oz piece of steak that we have cooked up on the weekend. We put them in ziplock bags and freeze them. By lunch they are thawed and I warm them up and just eat that. It works for me. That kick of protein gets me through the afternoon with plenty of energy and no thoughts of food at all.

That does not always work. At times I forget or I have a lunch appointment. In those cases, I have a salad usually. Point is, I always have a plan and a backup plan. The fridge at home is filled with salad stuff. We try to make up a huge bowl just of salad greens each week and then just add shrimp or whatever when we want that salad during the week. Quick and easy. And the salad does not get yucky with all the other stuff in it.

I do eat pork, chicken, beef, eggs and a small amount of cheese at times.  I also have lots of other veggies and fruit. I don't eat canned fruit, just fresh if possible.

Today is very busy and running in the car all day. LOVE working I really do. I do need to make sure I have water in the car and that I have veggies to munch on all day. May take a banana too.

The other thing I have noticed is when I "dieted", I was totally obsessed with food. Doing this, I am not. I am not stressed. I know even if I don't take something with me, I can find something. And even if it is not perfect, I am doing so well the majority of the time that it does not matter.

So three important points:
1. You have to get your mind into your health. Without this first step, it is a deprivation diet and you will fail. With it, you can't fail. Might have setbacks, but you will succeed.
2. You cannot starve, under calorie or deprive yourself. Your body needs food to keep you healthy. No reason to do this unless you end up healthier. If you feed yourself what you need, the cravings will go away.
3. Do what works for you and plan ahead. Takes out most of the temptations and makes it easy.

Have a great day!

Trying on Jeans

189.0. Even at 2 days, it makes me smile. Would have smiled more at 188.5. We always want more don't we?

OK, the pants have gotten more baggy even with drying them in the dryer. (tears of grief, not) so decided to go again to try on jeans.  I am loving being in the "average" size area, still out of habit, have to stop myself from entering the Woman's size area.

I tried on 4 pair and it taught me a lot.
#1. I do not like anything that says "curvy". That means, it is tight and form hugging. If you do not want your tushi accentuated, do not pick these jeans. Not only that, they have all these jeans with crystals on the back pockets....reminds me of the reflective vehicle signs "Caution, Wide Load". I have seen them on quite skinny girls, cute I guess. If I looked like that, I might think they were really cute. Not for me.
#2. Somehow in most jeans I now wear a "short". Not sure how losing weight shortened my legs. The jeans I have on now are longs.
#3. I am a 12 in some jeans, clear up to a 16 in others and in still others, the largest they make is a 16 and no way will that even start to fit. So size has nothing to do with size.

Lesson learned: Size does not matter!!!! Well at least the size marked on the jeans. I now know I have to try on anything I buy, cannot trust the size marked at all.

I bought the jeans that looked the best, straight legged, non form hugging, not low riding crystal pocketed. In fact it was the ones I have worn for quite some time, but it was in a 12.

I am wearing a black turtle neck shirt today. I use to love turtle necks. Then I did not like them for a long time unless I had them covered up. Well I could wear this today without a jacket and it looks nice. Not perfect, but nice.  I am going to wear a jacket today because it is 33 degrees, snowing and I am cold, but I would not have to.

Food: Yesterday was a crazy day and very busy. I had the shake for breakfast. Lots of diet pop. Raw veggies all through the day as snacks. There was no time for lunch, just lots of snacks. Also a couple banana's. Then for dinner, broccoli and pork chop, tasted really good. And oranges after dinner. Lots of water, whenever I thought of it.

Homework: See if I can make one person have even just a little better day.

Depression: I feel on the edge at times. I know that it is so easy to fall in. I keep pulling myself out. Much easier to do when you are just on the edge. Very much the difference of just swimming out of a pool or trying to swim out of a rip tide.  Both are possible, one is much easier. The rip tide, if you know how, is difficult but doable.

Have a great day! 

New Ground

Yahooooooo, Not the internet thing. 189.zeroooooo. Lowest yet.

Nothing like a "friendly" competition. Sandi, my daughter is working at the weight and health thing too. She hit a "stuck place" too. A stuck place is where you just get bored tired or stressed and stop eating right.  We both did it, the older one, multiple times.

So now we have a bet/contest. For bragging rights, who can lose the most from now till the end of May.  So after my pie eating wagon fall, I was 194. As of today, that is 5 pounds! Sounds impressive! Would be except I cannot tell you how many times in the last two months I have lost those same 4.5 pounds.  BUT NOT THAT LAST HALF!!!!!

The bet is helping. Last night when I was in my "eat everything in the house" mood, I just thought of Sandi and had water and oranges. Way better than chips, peanut butter, oatmeal with half a pound of ground sugar and so forth. I am amazed at how creative I can be to come up with carbs and sugar calories when we have so little in the house.

So I am back on the wagon.

Food:  Morning shake of spinach, strawberries, protein powder and water. I actually really miss this if I don't have it. I also take a handful of vitamins. And drinking something thicker like this makes that much easier than just water.

Lunch: We had a meeting at a Pizza place. Even the salad bar is not that good for me at this place. So I had a giant diet cola and refills. Seeing all that pizza everyone was eating was not easy. Then I went to my office and had my 4 oz steak.

Dinner was taco soup. I also snacked on oranges several times during the day, drank way too many diet cokes prior to noon and drank lots of water.

No exercise. Once this week is a start and that will improve.

Depression: It tried to slip in yesterday. I definitely felt some anxiety over multiple things that are going on. Sometimes I can't seem to escape it. But I worked very hard at good "self talk" and pushed on.  Feeling better today. We will see how it goes.

Today's Goal: Make a point to listen closely to someone who needs to talk.

I have worked very hard to be a good person. I know that sounds weird. I work hard because it would be very easy to let my problems set my mood and how I act. I want to be a very good person. I want to be the type of person that anyone would be very happy to call a friend. I want that not for friendships or awards or recognition, but because it is right and because it is who I want to be.

So I really need to think about things, decide up front that I want to not only care about people but "take action". Sometimes that action is just listening. Not fixing, not solving, not even commenting, just listening. It seems so simple, but not so simple. I am a "fixer", not giving solutions or suggestions is extremely difficult. My kids know this so at times when they just need to talk, they actually call and say this: "Mom, I just want to talk, I don't want you to fix it or help, just listen."  I am so glad they felt good enough about me that first they could talk and second they could say that to me.  The first few times it was like trying to not fall off a high wire! Balancing my mother mouth to keep it shut was beyond belief difficult!

Now I ask "is this a time you want me to just listen or to give suggestions?". And I am grateful both occur.  The other thing I try to remember to say to anyone is "these are just suggestions or ideas, you are the only one to know what is a good idea and what is not a good idea." I also say to people who are not my family "Remember, free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it".

I strongly believe that most people have the answers already. They just need to talk it out with someone. Sometimes I do have good ideas. I think one of my best strengths is the ability to look at something from all angles. And sometimes when you point out a new perspective to someone, they suddenly see their answer that was there the whole time.

Another thing that I as "fixer" find extremely difficult is that sometimes there is no solution, no answer. Now my very nature tells me that there is ALWAYS a way to make something better, if you work hard enough, it you think hard enough, if you pray hard enough, there is an answer. I was right. But not how I thought of it at first.

Sometimes the answer is just to live. The answer is in how you live with it.  Abuse is not something that this answer is for. Never is it the answer for abuse. But it can be for other things.

Homework assignment: Listen to someone. Stop and listen. Don't suggest, don't fix, just listen.

Have beautiful day!

Dreaded Exercise!

OK. Had company last night. Had Chocolate Silk Cream pie and apple pie. I ate both. In fact I ate a couple pieces of both. Therefore I did not face the scales this morning.

I woke up about 6, did everything I could then I realized that I need to .... exercise. I nearly talked myself out of it. Would have been very simple. Then I mentally kicked myself in the butt and told myself to just go out for a "walk". It is a beautiful morning! Far nicer than we have a right to hope for in April.

Could not find my walking shoes, another chance to forget it. Put on the old nasty shoes, some very dusty exercise clothes and out the door I went. I walked, not even fast. It really felt nice. It felt so nice that I sped up a bit. There was a couple that look 10-20 years older than me walking ahead of me. They were walking much faster than I was, so even my "faster" was not that fast.  Then pretty soon I started jogging. NOW my body and mind really went into shock! Wow, I did still know how to jog! (Not like I have ever "jogged", just that it was so slow it would be illegal to call it running) I went quite a bit further than I would have guessed I could go (thought was 5 steps). Then I just walked faster and would jog a short distance then walk again. Then slowed down and cooled off just before home.

Now understand the entire event took less than 30 minutes and was just a mile. And in my long ago past, a good brisk walk broke more of a sweat than this did this morning. The point is, I started. I enjoyed it. It was not a chore, torture, horrible. In fact, I enjoyed it! I know, shocked me too.

I promise you this would not have been the case at 255 or 230 and so forth. But it is the case now. Also, I did not go out and walk/run 5 miles. I walked one mile.

In 1989, at about 200 pounds, I got an incredible break. I got a job driving bus at the INEL. It paid more money than I ever thought I could earn at that time in my life. It also required that you wear a uniform... with a belt... and shirt tucked into pants......  I had 90 days of probation to not look like a chunky flabby apple with a belt.  I started eating just salads, even got to liking them. I started walking around the river 5 days a week,  2.3 miles I think.  I did not own a scale, but over those 90 days I went from about a size 20 pants (uniform size) to a 14 and got to about 170 pounds would be my guess. I did not look too bad! Over the next several months, I lost about another 10 pounds and was wearing a size 12 of those wool, very expensive uniform pants. I was 31 years old. And the sizes were smaller and those uniform pants ran small, that would be about an 8 now. (Not sure, but let me have my fantasy) I looked pretty darn healthy. And I felt really good.

Had I continued, I would be a very healthy weight today, not the case.

The biggest point is that it was a combination of things that got me there. First eating right. Without that, I could not have exercised and even with just exercise, I would not have lost what I lost or felt how I felt. Second, eating right. Going on some stupid fad would not have had me feeling good or being healthy. And third, exercise. That toned my body, increased muscle, helped me feel good. And a HUGE thing was this: If I work this hard, no way am I going to mess it up with a Chocolate Silk Cream pie! Just like a 3 legged stool, each of the 3 was needed and each of the three supported each other.

Three? Bet you think I can't count! Nope, that is how important eating right is. And really there are two parts to the eating right. One, the right "things". And two, the right amount.

Eating right? Tons of books, theories, studies and so forth and I am not an expert.  I do know that it only makes sense that you eat a variety of food that includes a larger portion of veggies and fruit. You need protein and grains and other stuff. It seems logical to me to avoid sugar and processed stuff. Way too many chemicals, fats and other stuff you don't need, or don't need that much of.

Past that, past being reasonable, you need to do what will work for you. I also strongly believe that what is healthy for one, may not be for another. If for no other reasons, allergies.

I think you know you. What makes you feel healthy. Not comfort food. Not the stuff I curl up with a glass of milk and blankie and pout on the couch with. But what makes you feel good the rest of the day? What gives you the "real" energy to live your life? Not caffeine or other junk like that (says the cola addict).

Do some thinking, figure it out!

191.0 What a beautiful way to start a wonderful week! Nearly 80 degrees in April in Idaho! Wow. Last year we froze till June.  I guess we will enjoy the good and deal with the bad as it comes.

Today is my yearly check up. Just love it don't you? But today will be the first time in around 18 years that I will weigh less than 200 pounds! Also the first time I have looked forward to going in and stepping on the scale.  It is a nice feeling for a change.

It is really funny how we look at other people and look at ourselves.  I work with a very nice, pretty, slender young woman. Somewhere in my mind I pictured her as always slender, boy magnet in high school, perfect life! Because she is pretty, slender and nice.  Sometimes I wonder how shallow I can be. And then I find out.

Turns out that she has dealt with a weight problem and has worked quite hard to get where she is. I don't know the extent of that problem, if she was heavy in high school. Heck, and in high school what I considered fat on me, I would be beyond thrilled to even get near!

I get comments all the time now about how nice I look. I really appreciate them. The fact is, it is not that I look so fantastic, just that I look much healthier (thinner) than I have forever. So people comment. Had I weighed anywhere near where those lovely weight charts say I should, then gone to where I am now, people would say to each other, "wow, look how much she has gained". It would be the same size and weight, but different perspective.

New subject: When I was growing up, it was considered an "art" to be witty and sharp with your tongue in my family. In other words, insult people but "smartly". I realize now that was a defense on the part of my mother, a protection for her because she felt so inferior and defenseless.

If you practice something like that, you get quite "good" at it. I was good at it. Funny, it never made me feel good. One day after saying something quite mean to someone, and feeling like the horrible person I was, I realized how wrong that was. It was a huge realization. You know, I don't remember who it was, some boy. I do remember that I did not tell him I was sorry.

That day I decided to change. I decided to stop saying mean things. I would hope and like to remember that it was an instant transformation. But someplace in my memory is the fact that I slipped into old habits at times. It is entirely possible that I slipped a lot. I have learned that the memory can be very convenient. I hope that it is a slip that I never make now and have not for years.

I wish I could go to every person and tell them how wrong I was and how sorry I am. I would hope that they would stare at me blankly and not remember those awful comments. But there are some that were made to me that scarred me for life, and I may have done that to others.

I work very hard to be kind now. To help people see the good, the blessing, miracles, the sunshine. It is what I try to see too. Most people would say I am a very positive person, always happy. Just like my friend at work with her perfect life, things are not what they seem.

What is totally awesome is that each morning is a new day. With each dawn we have a new opportunity to improve, try to get it right again. Be someones smile, someones sunshine, someones kind touch. What an opportunity!

Some days it is a real effort. There can be such pain, such trauma going on in peoples lives. To take a small piece of that, even for a few minutes can be very exhausting. If I ever feel tired or sorry for myself in those situations, I think "wow, if it is that difficult for me for just this minute, how difficult for that person for all they have to deal with it".  Funny thing, even with the most searing pain, deepest depression, most horrible hurt that I have just listened, or just.... well really just not done much more than stood there. Even at the worst, it has never even come close to how horrible I felt all those years ago being so "smart" and so cruel to others.

It may not be obvious. But all those years ago I decided I wanted to say and do things to try to make everyone I meet, day go just a little better. It is not difficult. My rules are: 1. Always tell the truth. 2. Notice and mention something good. 3. Always tell people when you have heard others saying something positive about them, and usually I won't tell them who it was. Very simple.

I have learned that I also need to do that for myself. Are we not the hardest on ourselves? Do we not expect things of ourselves that we would never expect of others? STOP!

So assignment of the day: 1. Every person you have a conversation with today, find 1 thing good to say to them or about them. 2. Every time you say something nice to someone else, when you walk away, say something nice about yourself to yourself.

I will, will you?

Progress is sweet!

It is a beautiful morning, sun is shinning and winds are light, at least so far. And the scale said 190. Now if you look at yesterday, that is up half a pound.  So why is that good? Well because I was not well the day before and figured I would be up more just from regaining hydration. Since I did not, it means a true weight loss.

The other deal is once again, I know I am getting in position for a weight loss period.  I don't really get why I have these cycles. They are not the plateaus that you always hear about. Those are when you continue to work at it but don't make any progress. What happens with me is I "fall off the wagon". Go back to not great habits or whatever. The good thing is even those periods are shorter and not as severe.

So here I am, ready to conquer the 180's. If I were to check back, I think that means I really did nothing progressive since February. I know no one is really keeping track....but that would be losing nearly 2 months! (Notice I did not check, approximate is good enough for my failures or lack of progress).

Progress is sweet. And here we go again.

I like the quote "You only fail when you stop trying".  So I may have "rest" periods, but I will never fail!

What will you do today that is another try? What will you do today that may be your victory? What COULD you do today, that you might be afraid of failing at, but you might find you succeed at?

I am learning a little more all the time that there are no true great victories, only great little steps that we learn to be consistent with.

Give someone a hug. Look in the mirror and say "I am a wonderful and good person".

I will.

Victories, take them where you can find them!

189.5 today! Yea!!! OK. Yesterday was the most stress I have had in many years. And I paid for that stress. I forgot that could cause a very uncomfortable day! Anyway, the weight may be temporary, but I am on my way.

We made an offer on a home. It is far away (from my house, not leaving area). And it needs years of work. Without going into details, sometimes change is necessary. The offer has not been accepted and we made our best offer. Ron is hoping it won't be.... So we will see.

It is hard to leave a place that you have worked so hard on. We have lived here since 1990. And it is nearly perfect for what we wanted. Not so perfect for our future.

In God's hands now. We will trust in him.

FANTASTIC!

Imagine that! Eat how you should and away goes the weight! 192 today. A whole half pound. But down! It is after 10 pm and I have been going since 5 am this morning! I love it! this is why I am a Realtor, I thrive on busy!

However, the downside is I did not do so well today, so we will see what the scale says tomorrow.

Bedtime.

Change

It is always so difficult to report nothing. 192.5.  But that is reality. Especially if you don't make any changes.

Yesterday I just floated along, no exercise, no big changes to eating. The results show it. No change. Hmm, have to change to have change. What a concept!

One of my daughters is on her own journey. She has lost over 20 pounds and is closing in on my weight. Annoying since she started just a couple months ago. And exciting since I want her to pass me, but I want that when I am making progress!

A good friend of mine lost her mother yesterday after many years of battling with cancer. Her mom lived with her and was a huge part of her life. She was not old. Cancer took it's toll, but she was not old.

My friend knew it was time for her mom to go home, for the suffering to end. She has a huge hole in her life, one that will be painful for the rest of her life.

What a blessing to love someone so much that you miss them so much. Odd way to look at it I know. I guess it is my way of welcoming the pain and putting a use to it.

My father died just before my 11th birthday. He was killed in an accident, 37 years old. The world would call him my step father. Wrong, he was and is my father. That was nearly 44 years ago. He inspires me and is missed greatly still to this day. I am so glad.

My "real" father died a few years ago. I don't even remember the date. I cried when I found out, months after he died. I cried not because of him, but because of what was missed. I cried because there was no reason to cry. He had many children. None that I am aware of mourn his death. None miss him. He left destruction in every life he touched. He is not missed.

I am so grateful for the pain of the loss of my father. I am so grateful that I knew that love. He is missed by many and all of his children.

Now I ask you, what man caused the most pain? Which man would you want in your life?

Who will mourn you when you leave?

What a blessing to be such a good person that you would be missed. What a blessing to know and have in your life people that you miss. Thank you Lord for this pain, Thank you for giving me such people in my life that I understand it.

I have to add this final thought. People that are loved never leave. I hear my fathers sayings still to this day. When I am with my siblings we always bring up what he would say or think in different situations. My father-in-law passed away 4 years ago. I had him longer than my father. He is so missed. But nearly daily things will come up that either my husband or I will bring up what dad would say! He is still with us.

Now go hug someone.

Ready to begin again....

OK, I am ready to begin again. Sometimes that is pretty frustrating. 192.5 today.  I guess I should cut myself some slack. So WHAT that I am not down more, I am also not UP more! I guess every day is a new beginning. At least that is what I have felt my whole life. Good Morning World and welcome to the first day of the rest of your life! That just makes you feel good.

Pet peeve: I have never thought it was fair that when you have an accomplishment, it only seems to count right then. Graduate 1st grade, hurrah! Hurry up and start 2nd. Win a gold medal, next week you are a has been and old news, same with #1 songs or box office or whatever. Those poor folks are has beens almost immediately and they are not supposed to age or gain weight! Man! Glad I am only me! 

Feel the same way about house work, it never ends and always needs done. The one exception is mowing the lawn. When you finish mowing the lawn it actually looks "done" for at least a day or two. Someone might really notice that it was done and does not need done right away. I never really liked mowing the lawn, but I loved finishing and taking a minute and enjoying it being "done"! Dishes, laundry, dusting and everything else, they are never done. And you only notice when they need done, not when they are done.

Somehow that never seemed fair. I ride horses. I have in the past worked hard at attaining certain goals. Then I would show someone and it was the same, good, what is next????

Let's take just ONE MINUTE and acknowledge what we have accomplished! Feel good about it. There was a talk given at the October LDS Conference. I don't remember who it was. But I totally remember the talk. He talked about taking is 8 or so year old daughter and 12 or so (notice my attention to detail) on a climb of a mountain. It was one you could walk, but it was still quite an undertaking. There were two wonderful points from that talk. One, they stopped often to rest and not only marveled at what they had left to accomplish, but turned around and marveled at what they had already accomplished. (You will have to find the talk for the 2nd point).

I loved that. I always see the Mountain. I am getting better at looking at what I have accomplished.  Don't get me wrong. I am very much someone planning for the next thing and my next project and always looking forward. Just sometimes, it soothes the soul to turn around and look back.  See what you have truly done and how very far you have come. I am sure it is impressive.

So I am ready to begin again. 192.5. The truth is, even if I bounced around that weight, it is so much better than the 255 I was at 45. Or the 230 I was last year. That is 62.5 pounds from my highest. 37.5 from last fall.  Wow! That is pretty impressive! Hey! I did good!!! Wow! I carried 25 pounds of salt in a couple weeks ago, that was heavy especially if I carried it for long. And yet my poor body carried over 60 pounds more than I have right now for a very long time.  Wow, I have done pretty darn good!

AND I am ready to do more. I am ready to start climbing the mountain to the next resting spot.

So, what in your life can you "turn around and look at what you have accomplished"? Give yourself a minute or a day to reflect on how far you have come. On how much you have accomplished, how much good you have done.

Another thing I have noticed, most people really and unfairly discount what they themselves do. STOP!

I don't care if it is weight, education, changing diapers, not losing your temper or doing the dishes. Stop. Take a look at what you have accomplished today, last week, this year, decade, this life. Give yourself some credit.

OH, this is good too! Pick one person today that has impressed you in any way, made a difference in your life or you admire. Just ONE person. Call them, text them, email, write or talk to them today..... Tell them. Then tell me (or not) what doing that did for them and for you. It is better than chocolate I promise.

Carb Addiction

194.5 Have you noticed the "progress" is all in the wrong direction? Well the truth of the matter is I have been on an eating binge and when I stepped on the scales this morning, I truly expected 200.  Last night we took my son to dinner for his birthday and I had a steak and fries and 3 scones and I think I might have also eaten a napkin.... Well it felt like I did.

That caps 3 days of a huge bowl of oatmeal with about 1/4 cup of brown sugar each night (no not kidding). Not to mention several pieces of toast each night loaded with butter, sugar and cinnamon or butter and jam.  That does not even count the package of chocolate bars I have in my desk at work. Carb addiction!

Are you getting the picture???

This is my pattern. This has happened over and over and over again throughout my life.  The real difference this time are YOU! People are watching. If I don't write something they notice. If I do write something, I can't lie, because I am really just lying to myself.

So how do I start again? It is so easy, it truly is, when I have my head on straight. It is not a struggle. Then there is that slip. That carb....whatever it is, and I am on a binge once again.

Hmmmm. "Truly" must be the word of the day. As I read this it almost sounds like I am using the carb addiction thing as an excuse to do what I do. I don't think so. I hope not. It is an acknowledgment that I have a problem and I need to understand it and deal with it. Not use it as an excuse, understand it and figure out how to handle it.

If you don't have this issue, it must sound crazy. It should be easy to stop, easy to not keep stuffing your face. I will not even be hungry. I won't even like the taste of what I eating! Still I do it.

Once again is the knowledge that I can't start. I can't just have one. I have to stay away from it. And I have to get my mind in such a position that it is my idea, my desire and NOT a punishment or being deprived.

I feel so different when I am on a binge. Not good. Not healthy. Certainly not happy with myself.

So today is not about progress, it is about starting over again.... At least I am doing it before I gain 40 pounds back. I need to make it ONE day. Then I will worry about what to do next.

192 & Cheating

OK, not really cheating. Because .... well, not dieting. But I am not eating the way I should be. The kids are here for another few days and I have a miserable cold. Or a cold that makes me miserable. Blahhh. Anyway, had waffles this morning. So I would imagine that within a day or two my indiscretions, of which I am not fully disclosing, will become evident. That is OK. Plan to get back to the program on Monday and just chill for a couple days.

What is very interesting is that every time I do this, every time I give in to old patterns and habits, I feel terrible! And it is not just about the cold and lack of sleep.

My body has been sending me messages for years. "You feed me garbage, we will feel like garbage." I just thought that was normal! When I eat correctly, the right foods and the right amounts, I feel really good!

Notice what I wrote because it is critical: "When I eat correctly, the right foods and the right amounts, I feel really good!"

Habits can be a big issue. Even though my brain and what I have experiences tells me the rewards of eating well are huge, I am still at times (like under stress or feeling sick) drawn to the old habits and "comfort foods" and lots and lots of empty, sugar and starch carbs.

The other thing that I am very pleased about is that I am NOT dieting. When I have "dieted" in the past, I did not feel good. I was extra crabby. I was tired, hungry, deprived. That all led to some temporary weight loss. As soon as I was good and tired of all that, I went back to my old patterns and gained back what I had lost and generally some additional weight.

So even with what I am sure will be a slight gain, I know I am on the best tract to health. And I am happy.

192.5

OK I give up. No I am not stopping. But I do admit that when you have a house full of guests, even welcomed and much loved guests like Grand kids and kids.....concentrating on eating well enough to lose weight after already losing over 65 pounds total......not working!

I like writing 65 pounds, it is true, from my highest weight.  From October it is only 32.5. Still, pretty darn good.

New Reality: When traveling or having guests, it is a major accomplishment to not gain more than a couple pounds. It is HUGE when you don't gain any. And SUPER HUMAN if you happen to lose weight as my daughter did when she was visiting last week.

Sandi made us all kinds of goodies when she was here. They were all very healthy and great for my diet. Still, more than I would have eaten had she not been spoiling us.

Sarah and 3.7 babies are here till Sunday. Plus it is Easter this weekend. Sarah also has been spoiling us with all kinds of wonderful and healthy meals.

As for me, I have done extremely well. Not "Greatest Loser" type well, but for most humans, pretty darn good. The Reality (word of the post) is that I am past the point where the pounds just fall off because I am not being as bad as I have been in the majority of my life. At this point, for multiple reasons, I need to start exercising and really work on what I am eating, in a healthy and sustainable way.

So I am giving myself permission to "coast" till we are once again "kidless" and "Guestless". That will be Monday April 9th. If at that time, I am below 195, it will be a great accomplishment! Then I will start and get to the next level. For me, that will be 180 or less.

I don't know if you recognize what a really important thing has just happened. I just now did. Weight is not the most important thing in life, it is just part of life. I have given myself permission to be a person and not just a number. FANTASTIC!!!!!

Have a great day! Comments are appreciated.

193

OK, I am getting a cold. Went shopping for cold stuff. Left $120 poorer plus 4 (yes 4) of the regular sized Reeses cups. Greg caught me but he only thought I ate 2!  Haaaaa. Of course, the scale tomorrow will tell the truth.  Sometimes you just don't care.

193

Oh the joys of the yo yo. I would love to say that I did not deserve that number. ..... .....

Food: I snacked all day. No real meals. Nothing really bad... wait, like 3 P&J sandwiches. Plus lots of other stuff.

Exercise: Nothing great. Lots of moving furniture and running stuff up and down stairs. Enough to make you walk and move like a frail 80 yr old (as I know some 80 yr olds I could not keep up with).

Mood: Pretty good. Just tired. Appreciating a husband who not only tolerates but supports me. I am very lucky in that the depression is not the norm. Well it is. At least cycling through it is. But there is more time out of it than in it. It truly does make me appreciate the times it does not exist. And when it is there, it is miserable.

What is so ironic is that it is only recently that anyone knew I had this. And only because I have been more open about it. I found that is the case with many people who suffer from this. In fact, most people would tell you that I am "always in such a good mood!". Well, maybe not my husband and kids. I have also learned that is the case with a fairly large percentage of the "functioning depressed". They (I) am very good at keeping up an appearance even when things are very dark. People might not see someone depressed as much, they may stay to themselves more. But they (I) manage to appear quite happy. And not just "OK", but happy.

I smile as I read what I just wrote. It has not been all that long that I had a label for what has been going on most of my life. So I did not "know" I had depression either. People with depression often just feel "useless, lazy, tired, no good" and just about any other negative thing you can think of.

People who have never had it rarely understand. The most common thought is "just get going", "just get over it" and many other things along those lines. They just don't understand. And that makes it very difficult on everyone.

I someone you know can't seem to get motivated, can't seem to get started, they may be suffering from depression. There are tons of symptoms as it varies for individuals. Some commons ones are: weight gain or loss, lack of motivation, loss of interest in things they use to like, excessive sleeping, unable to sleep, absence from work or school, unable to focus. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Substance abuse can start to try to self medicate and it makes all the symptoms worse.

If you know someone who has some of these changes, you can talk to them. Sometimes just knowing that something is truly wrong and they are not worthless really helps.  More symptoms can be found on the internet. Also treatments. Medication can be and sometimes must be part of it. But there are other things to do. The main thing is to help. And your help may not be, likely will NOT be appreciated.

Oh, if someone seems way too happy out of character, that too can be a symptom, a way of trying to keep the secret.

See why this is so difficult? The good news is that it can change, usually will change with time and especially with help.

191.5

Yea! Now only 2 pounds to get to where I have already reached and gone back up twice! Pretty much March was a yo yo month that saw no real progress. WAIT! Not true! I have broken a cycle! The cycle was "lose weight and gain every once plus some back". Is not happening this time! It is a slow but sure progress to health!

Food: Fried Egg. I really miss the shake when I don't have that for morning. It is just easy, makes it easier to take vitamins. In fact, I normally don't take any if I don't have the shake. Plus it gets me a very healthy start for the day.  I had 3-4 diet cokes. Not nearly enough water. Lunch was left over veggie lasagna and dinner was an entire can of Nally's Chilly. Not kidding. Plus I had a banana and 2 oranges.

Exercise: no. I did spend about half the day moving furniture upstairs and downstairs and doing all kinds of work. So no real healthy exercise but I was very active.

Mood: Good. Working on Real Estate and making some changes at home.

Thought of the day: It is not about losing weight, not about the food. It is about having a good life.

Have a fantastic day!