191.0 What a beautiful way to start a wonderful week! Nearly 80 degrees in April in Idaho! Wow. Last year we froze till June.  I guess we will enjoy the good and deal with the bad as it comes.

Today is my yearly check up. Just love it don't you? But today will be the first time in around 18 years that I will weigh less than 200 pounds! Also the first time I have looked forward to going in and stepping on the scale.  It is a nice feeling for a change.

It is really funny how we look at other people and look at ourselves.  I work with a very nice, pretty, slender young woman. Somewhere in my mind I pictured her as always slender, boy magnet in high school, perfect life! Because she is pretty, slender and nice.  Sometimes I wonder how shallow I can be. And then I find out.

Turns out that she has dealt with a weight problem and has worked quite hard to get where she is. I don't know the extent of that problem, if she was heavy in high school. Heck, and in high school what I considered fat on me, I would be beyond thrilled to even get near!

I get comments all the time now about how nice I look. I really appreciate them. The fact is, it is not that I look so fantastic, just that I look much healthier (thinner) than I have forever. So people comment. Had I weighed anywhere near where those lovely weight charts say I should, then gone to where I am now, people would say to each other, "wow, look how much she has gained". It would be the same size and weight, but different perspective.

New subject: When I was growing up, it was considered an "art" to be witty and sharp with your tongue in my family. In other words, insult people but "smartly". I realize now that was a defense on the part of my mother, a protection for her because she felt so inferior and defenseless.

If you practice something like that, you get quite "good" at it. I was good at it. Funny, it never made me feel good. One day after saying something quite mean to someone, and feeling like the horrible person I was, I realized how wrong that was. It was a huge realization. You know, I don't remember who it was, some boy. I do remember that I did not tell him I was sorry.

That day I decided to change. I decided to stop saying mean things. I would hope and like to remember that it was an instant transformation. But someplace in my memory is the fact that I slipped into old habits at times. It is entirely possible that I slipped a lot. I have learned that the memory can be very convenient. I hope that it is a slip that I never make now and have not for years.

I wish I could go to every person and tell them how wrong I was and how sorry I am. I would hope that they would stare at me blankly and not remember those awful comments. But there are some that were made to me that scarred me for life, and I may have done that to others.

I work very hard to be kind now. To help people see the good, the blessing, miracles, the sunshine. It is what I try to see too. Most people would say I am a very positive person, always happy. Just like my friend at work with her perfect life, things are not what they seem.

What is totally awesome is that each morning is a new day. With each dawn we have a new opportunity to improve, try to get it right again. Be someones smile, someones sunshine, someones kind touch. What an opportunity!

Some days it is a real effort. There can be such pain, such trauma going on in peoples lives. To take a small piece of that, even for a few minutes can be very exhausting. If I ever feel tired or sorry for myself in those situations, I think "wow, if it is that difficult for me for just this minute, how difficult for that person for all they have to deal with it".  Funny thing, even with the most searing pain, deepest depression, most horrible hurt that I have just listened, or just.... well really just not done much more than stood there. Even at the worst, it has never even come close to how horrible I felt all those years ago being so "smart" and so cruel to others.

It may not be obvious. But all those years ago I decided I wanted to say and do things to try to make everyone I meet, day go just a little better. It is not difficult. My rules are: 1. Always tell the truth. 2. Notice and mention something good. 3. Always tell people when you have heard others saying something positive about them, and usually I won't tell them who it was. Very simple.

I have learned that I also need to do that for myself. Are we not the hardest on ourselves? Do we not expect things of ourselves that we would never expect of others? STOP!

So assignment of the day: 1. Every person you have a conversation with today, find 1 thing good to say to them or about them. 2. Every time you say something nice to someone else, when you walk away, say something nice about yourself to yourself.

I will, will you?