Carb Addiction

194.5 Have you noticed the "progress" is all in the wrong direction? Well the truth of the matter is I have been on an eating binge and when I stepped on the scales this morning, I truly expected 200.  Last night we took my son to dinner for his birthday and I had a steak and fries and 3 scones and I think I might have also eaten a napkin.... Well it felt like I did.

That caps 3 days of a huge bowl of oatmeal with about 1/4 cup of brown sugar each night (no not kidding). Not to mention several pieces of toast each night loaded with butter, sugar and cinnamon or butter and jam.  That does not even count the package of chocolate bars I have in my desk at work. Carb addiction!

Are you getting the picture???

This is my pattern. This has happened over and over and over again throughout my life.  The real difference this time are YOU! People are watching. If I don't write something they notice. If I do write something, I can't lie, because I am really just lying to myself.

So how do I start again? It is so easy, it truly is, when I have my head on straight. It is not a struggle. Then there is that slip. That carb....whatever it is, and I am on a binge once again.

Hmmmm. "Truly" must be the word of the day. As I read this it almost sounds like I am using the carb addiction thing as an excuse to do what I do. I don't think so. I hope not. It is an acknowledgment that I have a problem and I need to understand it and deal with it. Not use it as an excuse, understand it and figure out how to handle it.

If you don't have this issue, it must sound crazy. It should be easy to stop, easy to not keep stuffing your face. I will not even be hungry. I won't even like the taste of what I eating! Still I do it.

Once again is the knowledge that I can't start. I can't just have one. I have to stay away from it. And I have to get my mind in such a position that it is my idea, my desire and NOT a punishment or being deprived.

I feel so different when I am on a binge. Not good. Not healthy. Certainly not happy with myself.

So today is not about progress, it is about starting over again.... At least I am doing it before I gain 40 pounds back. I need to make it ONE day. Then I will worry about what to do next.